I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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