you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
