Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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