____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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