I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
