I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
