I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
