She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
