I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You need Xanax blowdarts
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
