i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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