'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
