your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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