I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
