I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
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