if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
