nut hugger
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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