I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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