i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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