I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
