Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
