I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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