I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
