Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize
