those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
