A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
