Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
