I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
