I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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