i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
