And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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