She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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