My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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