Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
