It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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