A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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