And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I believe in your delicious
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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