omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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