Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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