Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
