its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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