Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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