I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
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