I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
