You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
