Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
