see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Semen is not good for contacts.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
