what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
