Me too!
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
