i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Randomize
