um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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