the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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