Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
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