omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
