If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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