They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Your dad touched me again.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
