It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
