i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
