who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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